Nipper on Movies

Well, my flow of trailer reviews was interrupted by the holidays and then I blinked and January 2008 was gone and now I’ve developed quite the backlog of trailers to diss and praise.  So, I guess I better get started…First, I’ll just clean house by lumping together all the waste o’ time trailers that do not motivate me one iota to see the movie.  These all have two things in common:  they all get a grade of “F”, and they represent the worst that movies offer… 

Prom Night (liked Brittany Snow on TV’s American Dreams, she has talent, must’ve needed a quick pay day here)

The Ruins (yucky, gross, depressing)

Hellboy 2: The Golden Army (retarded on so many levels I’m not even going to try to list them, hard to believe this is from the same producer who once made Field of Dreams and The Rocketeer)

Doomsday (stale concept, violent, disturbing, dumb)

In Bruges (boy, hitmen are so funny and quirky and clever, killing sure is hilarious, you get the idea)

Witless Protection (hick humor is often funny, but this is too crass for my taste)

Charlie Bartlett (perhaps unfair to include this on the list, but I’m not into another dark comedy about a messed up teen and his messed up relationships)

And an early nominee for the worst trailer of 2008 is a little gem called Never Back Down.  It’s so bad that you have to see it (http://www.apple.com/trailers/independent/neverbackdown/).   Don’t know how anyone got through a single take with a straight face.  Djimon Hounsou needs to fire his agent ASAP.  That a lot of kids will probably find this cool is sad.  Could unintentionally be the best comedy of the year.

And now for some regular reviews:

Step Up 2: The Streets

This looks like a dumb sequel to a dumb movie.  Features some never-before-heard lines like, “She doesn’t have what it takes” and “In those competitions, you are risking everything”.  Apparently, when you decide to take your moves and ‘tude to “the streets”, the stakes couldn’t be higher.  This looks ridiculous to me, but if you’re into dance, it’s probably right up your alley.  The trailer has plenty of bouncy beats and peppy choreography, which I suppose just registered enough on my entertainment meter to keep it from joining the list of shame.

Grade:  D+

http://www.apple.com/trailers/touchstone/stepup2thestreets/ 

Iron Man

If you’ve read any of my trailer posts before, you know I’m burned out on comic book movies.  Well, this one looks like an improvement primarily because of the superior effects and a large dose of humor.  Who would’ve thought that Robert Downey Jr. would make a good superhero?  Not me.  But he looks pretty convincing here.  His cocky attitude provides some of the preview’s best laughs.  One negative is that they reveal too much of the first act when Bob Downey is held captive in a cave and busts out.  But the end features some sweet flying shots that prove my point from previous posts that effects can be done convincingly.  This is going to enjoy huge B.O. and a big reason why is director Jon Favreau (hey, that rhymes!).   

Grade:  B+

http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount/ironman/

Star Trek XI

I’ve never given more second chances to any franchise or characters than I’ve given to Star Trek.  I always hope it will be cool and action-packed, but it usually lets me down.  So, I wouldn’t care much about this upcoming installment except that J.J. Abrams is piloting the ship, which means it suddenly has actual potential.  This is very much a teaser with nary a character shown, but it has some decent shots of the Enterprise under construction.  If the movie’s any good, this could be the highest grossing Trek outing in ages.  Thanks to Abrams’ involvement, I’m cautiously optimistic.

Grade:  B

http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount/startrek/

Stop Loss

I almost reviewed this one late last year, but stopped because I couldn’t decide what to say about it.  On the one hand, it’s definitely an eye-roller in the here we go again with another America is evil because we’re in Iraq sense.  On the other hand, it does deal with a troubling aspect of military policy that sends soldiers back to the front even after they’ve fulfilled their service requirement.  So, while I’m more interested in this than most of the other anti-Iraq-war movies, I won’t remotely expect a nuanced, balanced approach since this is from MTV Films and writer/director Kimberly Peirce (Boys Don’t Cry).  Since MTV’s attached, here’s betting that the B.O. will be more than the combined take of all of last fall’s America is evil movies.  Which means about $5.  Just kidding.  Overall, this is a provocative, occasionally effective preview.  It has potential, but I’m not holding my breath.   

Grade:  C+

http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount/stoploss/

Vantage Point

I like a good thriller.  Unfortunately for would-be thriller-makers, we now have the Bourne trilogy which set the bar out of reach for most.  I don’t know if Vantage Point will quite measure up to the Bourne standard, but it looks like it will make a valiant effort.  Expertly edited at a frenetic pace, this trailer provides enough teasing info to suck you in without giving away too much (which is quite a feat these days).  At first it all seems rather straightforward, revolving around an assassination attempt on the President.  But then it looks like the assassination was faked somehow, and then all heck breaks loose with car chases, yelling, and explosions.  The cast looks great and includes Dennis Quaid, Matthew Fox, Forrest Whitaker, William Hurt, and Sigourney Weaver.  I’ve been a fan of Matthew Fox since his Po’5 days and always thought he could be a big movie star (he’s not too shabby on a little show called Lost either).  This could be a positive step for him toward some more cool action roles.  If the story is as twisty and fast-paced as this preview, the B.O. will be robust.

Grade:  A-

http://www.apple.com/trailers/sony_pictures/vantagepoint/

What Happens in Vegas

Even though a big part of this premise was photo-copied from the Friends episode when Rachel and Ross accidentally get hitched in Vegas, this is a very humorous trailer.  A lot of folks like to knock Ashton Kutcher but I like him and actually think he’s pretty good in comedies like this.  It’s a good thing he’s in it too, because I’m not really a Cameron Diaz fan.  It remains to be seen if they’ll be a believable onscreen couple, but the preview indicates there will be plenty of laughs, so their believability might not matter much.  Should be pretty clear B.O. sailing for this one.     

Grade:  B+         

http://www.apple.com/trailers/fox/whathappensinvegas/ 

21 

his looks intriguing mainly because it was supposedly inspired by some actual events.  I’m sure most of the truth has been discarded for sexy Vegas glitzeratti (new word I just invented), but my interest was piqued by the notion of MIT students using their brains to cheat casinos and then getting caught by Laurence Fishburne.  For the record, I wouldn’t want to get caught by Laurence Fishburne.  I don’t know squat about casino games, but this zippy trailer makes it all look fairly entertaining.  B.O. prospects are pretty average.     

Grade:  B-

http://www.apple.com/trailers/sony_pictures/21/

Made of Honor

After seeing Patrick Dempsey in several similar rom-com roles (I guess I’m thinking Sweet Home Alabama and Enchanted), I can’t figure out if he doesn’t really have much of a sense of humor, or if he’s just very good at playing the straight man.  He’s apparently some kind of ladies’ man in this movie, only realizing he’s in love with best buddy Michelle Monaghan after she’s engaged to another gent.  The usual wackiness ensues, but this gets bonus points for decent funniness and a field trip to picturesque Scotland.  It’s all pretty familiar, but I grinned enough during the trailer that I’ll probably give it a whirl.  A lot of ladies apparently like Dempsey, so B.O. will likely be decent.

Grade:  B 

http://www.apple.com/trailers/sony_pictures/madeofhonor/

Son of Rambow

Don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before but I’ve kind of been into British comedies for awhile, or at least comedies set in Britain.  Not sure exactly why.  I guess British people are just funny.  Rambow is quite the quirky little trailer, starring mostly unknown Brit kids making their own version of an action movie in the 80s.  It’s unusual and frequently funny.  Kinda reminds me of a British Napoleon Dynamite, therefore methinks I just might see it.  Because it’s that kind of odd, indie flick, this will barely be a blip on the B.O. radar.

Grade:  B

http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount_vantage/sonoframbow/

Tyler Perry’s Meet the Browns

Many people have told me that I need to see Diary of a Mad Black Woman.  I still don’t want to.  I just can’t get past the drag thing.  Since Tyler Perry has become such a cottage industry though, I should probably check out one of his movies one of these days.  He keeps churning out these relatively inexpensive movies that all look relatively alike and often feature a cameo from him as the Mad Black Woman.  And all of them are huge B.O. hits relative to their cost.  So he must be doing something right.  The problem is, his movies all look pretty cheesy too.    

Grade:  C    

http://www.apple.com/trailers/lions_gate/meetthebrowns/